Monday, December 31, 2007

The Last Question

Read a nice short story "The Last Question" by Asimov here. Supposedly his best short story. I was cautioned not to look the ending which turned out to be pretty good advice, hence passing the same.

P.S: Thanks to Aravind and Raj for pointing it.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Re:Oh my god!

This my response to my friend karthik's post here http://karthiknaga.blogspot.com/2007/12/oh-my-god.html . I have to applaud his insightful writing. before i comment, i have to say i am certainly not well read as some of you(those who have commented) seem to be and my ideas are quite raw. esp. i enjoyed the discussion between nk and sabresan and the short excerpt from kay-k is eye opening and somewhat close to what I think, unfortunately i dont know what/who H2G2 is, i would certainly love to read.

I have always believed Agnostics/Atheists are always so by choice, but being religious or to have faith in a "Personal God" as u name it is often not by choice. It is either by birth or some form of proselytizing in the modern sense. As richard dawkins bravely responded to a college student's simple qn "what if what you are saying is wrong? what if god exists" he says "u r a christian by chance because u were born in england". So to say we are hindus cos we were born in india. I'll leave him at that, I am not a strong advocate of the theory of evolution either. Our faith in a personal god so to speak is purely by chance. If the BJP were in the US they would be the republicans or if they had been in germany they would have been religious fascists.(ok that was a bit too much). So as such it doesnt seem fashionable to stick to a particular belief and all the customs tagging along. So you say you want to defend your faith with the placebo effect: faith is a psychological game. So in effect the existence of faith and god is to just induce a positive effect, to me that is not substantial. I cant believe the majority of the world has to have faith to do that. Esp. when most of us can understand and give fancy names to these "effects" why should we still have faith?. Oh! so everyone needs to be positive and make an effort. So umpteen religious therories evolved to establish this. If thats the case then it has all gone the wrong way. I dont think religion is doing anything good to the world. To state it more clearly, is man incapable of positive thoughts and deeds without the idea of belief or faith? Just because we can't disprove that god exists as we are flabberghasted by the wonders of t(his) universe and we are making an audacious "scientific" effort(that fails) to understand it, does it mean something inexplicable exists ? It could be that our methods to explain are false. We think the way we are trained to think, therein lies the paradox. I also believe religious faith exists to establish discipline in an uncivilized unsociable scenario. It was more likely created for small societies and all the problems started when cultures interacted when each culture defended its own beliefs and the allying benefits. Voltaire said "if there is no god, create one". Such a simple yet profound statement asserts that faith is a good placebo. But what actually matters to the intellectuals who are willing to ponder over this is, do we need a placebo? Is it still relevant in the modern world when education and knowledge of various cultures are vastly interconnected? Can everyone defend their faith or should they?; now that it has gone to ridiculous extremes. Or is the placebo effect just a makeshift theory? It is a constant battle between our undiminishing faith in a superior miraculous existence and the intellect. However the intellect and faith are friends between themselves, the battle is only in our minds. You can say the world is a paradox, or you can be humble and say we are jack asses.

--Guru

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Curbing IP

All this time I have been blogging about meaningless things, frivolous matters of zero significance, but today I have decided to remedy all that and talk about a serious issue that is affecting everyone, or rather everyone who uses the internet, I am going to talk about the greatest problem that each of us surfers face, the IP management problem, and by IP I am not referring to Intellectual Property, neither am i talking about Internet Pornography, but the more serious issue of Internet Poetry. The growth of the Internet and Blogosphere in particular has given every individual a platform to shout and be heard. But then it has also spawned a number of Internet Poets who post what comes to their mind in their blog and call it poetry.

Before I proceed, let me put a disclaimer message, I am ordinary when it comes to interpreting and appreciating poetry, heck i cant even appreciate a nursery rhyme. Just the other day I was totally enraged to hear from a kid about a couple of other kids who were mortally injured while doing a perilous household chore without adult supervision. I was about to set out in search of their parents and give them a piece of my mind, before someone assured me that it was just a rhyme and that Jack and Jill were entirely fictional. But still, it did not stop me from writing to the director of NCERT asking him to post a warning message under the rhyme asking children to report any such incidents by calling the child help line. And there were a couple of times that I made a fool of myself misinterpreting another rhyme. First time, this little girl walks up to me and sings 'Mary had a little lamb...' and I unwittingly asked her 'Was it for luncheon or supper dearie?' and the second time this another kid comes to me and sings the same, 'Mary had a little lamb...' and I corrected him, 'no... no... kiddo, Mary had a baby boy who later grew up to be the son of god'. Given such a case, what I am about to say may seem unfair criticism but considering that the world has more of us lesser mortals than intellectuals who can appreciate poetry, I think it is perfectly fair on my part to go ahead calling for regulation of Internet Poetry.

The thing that drove me to join the battle against internet poetry was a blog entry I read a couple of days ago. The poem was about how a girl thought that her boy friend was cheating on her and despite the guy proving his innocence, the girl continues to be insecure and paranoid and chooses to whine endlessly. My first reaction was this 'Why dont you start consulting a shrink you pathetic psychotic bitch?', but before I posted this reason caught up with me and had the following to say, '1. Its a free world, anyone can post what they want.. 2. Remember the time you were shouted at by an anonymous commenter, have you forgotten how bad it feels? 3. And by the way, are you free from such insecurities?'. Well, I have to admit that I also suffer from such paranoia time to time. I was reminded of the time when I was the last to leave the house and how I never trusted the integrity of the lock, the whole scene flashed before my eyes...
one, two, buckle my shoe,
three four, shut the door,
five six, lock until it clicks,
seven eight, pull until it breaks,
nine, ten, buy a new one.. and this went on until somebody else came back home. But still, no one was affected by such incidents(if anything, the local locksmith made a good profit selling locks that day and earned enough to feed his family for weeks), compare this to the number of headaches that internet poetry has caused.

To all the budding poets out there sitting in front of your terminals, here is a small request, before you press that Post button, sit back a second and just make sure that your work is at the very least on par with this piece of Vogon poetry.

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!"

Friday, November 30, 2007

More news

First some international news, global warming has supposedly gone down drastically in recent weeks. Experts are baffled and are searching for explanations, some have suggested that the general increase in awareness amongst public, the use of renewable resources, al gore's music fest and others to have contributed the reversal of the global warming phenomena, now renamed by unimaginative scientists as 'Global Cooling'. However, Steven Levitt, the renowned author of the best seller "Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything" has come up with a startling counter explanation. According to him, the phenomenon was triggered about a ten months ago following the death of famous hollywood celebrity Anna Nicole Smith. He had the following to say, "As you know she was hot, she was 'freakin' hot."

Now, some local news. Millions of people in tamil nadu are still suffering from the mysterious-yet-to-be-named disease that was first reported on the day following diwali. The symptoms of the disease include burning fever, unplugged diarrhoea, disorientation, memory loss and frequent blackouts. Initial suspicion for the mass outbreak of this disease were (a) biological attack by terrorists and (b) bird flu. Now as more and more people are recovering, the cause of the disease has become clear. Apparently, the last thing they remember doing was watch 'ATM', the block-busted vijay movie. This is what one victim had to say, "Dont put your money on ATM".

On to some technology news. Recent research by gungans and unemployed alien species has shown that women on an average spend 3 years of their lifetime getting ready. This may not seem startling at outset, but when combined with the following conventional wisdom - all women believe that they stop aging after 18, people spend a third of their lives sleeping, the math says they have just 9 years to actually live. Poor souls.

And finally some sports news, the cricketer who peed in his pants while facing shoaib akhtar has attacked his critics calling them bigots and chauvinists. He said and I quote "If a frog pees when attacked, people call it a self-defence mechanism but if a man pees when attacked it is cowardly and gross. Weird world". Yes, weird indeed.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Some news

Read a couple of interesting(atleast to me, ymmv) news bits yesterday in indian express.
1. Research shows curvy women give birth to intelligent kids, theory being that the fat around the hips/thighs helps a lot during pregnancy (in what way is beyond my understanding) - Appreciate the guys who took time to find this. It gives me the liberty to stretch the requirements in my matrimonial ad without projecting a retard image.
M24, Bhramin Iyer, SAL***p.a, looking for hourglass shaped homely girl to procreate super intelligent offspring.
Any father out there who reads this ad would be amazed at the amount of foresight i possess and should feel happy for having found the perfect match for his daughter. (little would he know about my evil plans which involves me and my super-intelligent kids taking over the world. buhahhahahahhaaa)
2. A company in Malaysia is developing a car with wonderful islamic features like compass to show the direction of mecca for performing prayers, space to keep hap/scarf etc. The news itself isn't much interesting, but what would be interesting is when the vhp/bajrang dal guys look at this and decide to sponsor the design of a hindu car. The few features that i expect in such a car are
a. a mini idol of the favourite god of the owner placed on top of the bonnet.
b. automatic footwear banisher
c. surround track - no, not some audio enhancing peripheral, but a literal track of 3 ft width around the car that the owner can use to circumambulate after offering prayers
d. ching chak wiper - a revolutionary wiper fitted with a jalra at the ends of it, in such a way that when the wiper is swithced on it will generate the wonderful music of jalra, the most essential element in a bhajan/satsang. The driver will have the control to vary the speed of the wiper in order to sync with fast/slow bhajans.
e. automatic bouncer - an inbuilt AI system that will throw you out in case you and your girl friend start to get naughty inside the car.
What is the religion that you say you are practicing? What features would you expect in your religion-car?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Professor Ramana

On the Sunday before the last, captain's 'ramana' was showed in tv, again. Watching captain fight corrupt bureaucrats, wily daadas and baakistan teeviravadis can be an inexplicable experience(you can never decide whether you want to laugh or cry). Captain is the pioneer when it comes to using technology in kollywood movies. I simply awed at the scene where he uses a floppy disk to get the list of corrupt officials. Although critics argue that the 15 names could have easily been written on the piece of paper in which the disk was wrapped, i still consider it an ingenious method of promoting technology among the masses. Had captain taken the movie this time around i am sure the script would include greater use of technology. Here's my speculation of what captain would have done. Captain would start by creating an spreadsheet using online collaborative tools like zoho, google docs and share it among his followers located at the different districts. Each one of them would then enter the name of the most corrupt official in column A and the amount they have accepted as bribes in column B. Captain would wait for all of them to finish entering the data and at the end of it, would apply a function to sort the sheet on column B in descending order. Captain would then highlight the name present in cell A1 with the colour #FF0000, at which point the mouse pointer would dynamically change to snipers' target symbol. I know that the way i have described the scene doesnt sound great, but add to it flashing lights, some close up shots of captains' raised eyebrows, blood-shot eyes and plaited nose hair and deva's background score... we have an academy award winning scene.

I wish I had a professor like ramana back in college, i would have been a part of the greatest revolution against corruption, tales of which will be discussed in mad.. er.. time magazine. (Incidentally i had a prof named ramana back in college, but all he cared was teaching DSP rather than killing DSP's.) I racked my brain in an attempt to remember things about my profs and to see if they were anywhere closer to the legendary ramana. Here is a short list of people who taught me and what i could best remember about them.

The first person that came to my mind was pushpalatha. Now, pushpalatha was totally in love with the blackboard and given that every lecture hall had one of them, she would invariably move closer to the board and start whispering her deep secrets to it. What she spoke about, nobody had a clue, the class was generally apathetic towards this behaviour, except this one time when guru chose to disturb the tranquillity with a question regarding something that she was supposedly teaching. pushpalatha was positively shocked at this rude interruption, how ignorant would a boy have to be to disturb a pair of romantics. Any other person in her position would have hit guru with the wooden duster and ran out of the building swearing and screaming, but composed as she was, she chose to shed tears in front of the class. The worst part was that junta misunderstood this reaction as her inability to answer even basic questions about the subject that she was teaching. Some geniuses are grossly misunderstood.

The next person i remembered was shenbagadevil. I think she was into western philosophy, and enjoyed reading works of kant, bertrand russell.. etc, but i believe her favourite was descartes. Now she has even extended his cogito ergo sum and formed theories of her own. Descartes said, "I think, therefore i am". Her extension goes something like this... "I think I am the best prof, therefore I am the best prof. QED."

Next on my list is kpr, fondly known as cupper, for his generosity in awarding failure grades. There are perhaps a thousand kids who were F'ed by kpr, totally F'ed up. He had a peculiar dressing sense, he used to come to the class wearing nice shirt, neatly pressed pair of trousers and a pair of matching Hawaii slippers. Somehow I felt this combination odd.. but given that i am not up to date with the happenings in the fashion world, i will refrain from commenting on it. Who knows, it could have been the trend in milan, la, paris that fall...

I really dont remember the name of the next person in my list.. all i remember is that he was the instrumentation prof. Now, the biggest mistake anyone could possibly make in his class is sit on the first bench. The poor soul would be showered with a gelatinous mixture of gutkha, pan masala and saliva emerging from the depths of his larynx, which would dry up by the end of the hour leaving him/her with the glow of a perfectly enamelled copper wire. No wonder salt paper sales would soar in nearby hardware stores during the semesters he chose to teach.

Next is rpp, he was the master, the champ when it came to delivering soporific lectures. I imagine him sitting with other profs and discussing things...
Push:"I created a personal best today.. 10 minutes 18 seconds, entire class into deep sleep".
Shenbaga: "That's good, but not as good as mine, 7 minutes and 25 seconds."
Kpr: "hmm.. looks like all you junior profs are picking up the art of teaching, how did u do instrumentation prof?"
Instrumentation prof: "i wasnt able to put the entire class to sleep.. there was this kid in the first bench continuously wiping his face... "
kpr: "aah... disqualified again.. too bad instr. prof, how did u do rpp?"
Rpp: "well..."
.. and nobody really heard the next word, all went Zzzzz... Such is his calibre. Although rpp's physical features resemble those of captain, i dont think he is anything like ramana.. while ramana fought to eradicate corruption, rpp used to happily trade favours in exchange for letters of recommendation for kids wanting to do their ms in the us.

The next person is someone whom i have consciously reserved as the last, for in my opinion he is the only one who can come close to emulating ramana. It is none other than pvr, (supposedly) the greatest prof my department has ever seen. Just like ramana, pvr leads a groups of carefully chosen geeks for his top secret project in his top secret lab. And given that most of those belonging to his cult are out in the us doing their ms, i can only imagine that their operation(if there is one) is in a global scale. I tried to join this cult a few times but was rejected on the grounds that the geek contamination levels in my blood werent sufficient. I had only 28% contamination, while pvr only accepted geeks with a minimum 80% geek contamination levels.

Anybody who has seen the movie ramana will never forget the scene where ramana delivers a lecture to the doctors. I had the misfortune of being in the receiving end of one such from pvr. During one of the practical classes, i had used a 2k resistor in my experiment and had based all my theoretical calculations on the value 2k. But i had carelessly marked the value as 3K in the circuit diagram. pvr was positively furious at this mistake. I tried explaining that i had indeed marked the resistor as 2k but it was because of the amazing-yet-to-be-discovered properties of the interaction of light at the intersection of the bifocal lens he was wearing that created a reflection about the horizontal line in the 2 and made it look like 3. He threw away his bifocal and wore a progressive glass.It was still 3.(Damn those filthy ophthalmologists creating progressive lens and ruining the lives of innocent kids like me) pvr had the following to say "I can parade 20 people into this room and confirm that this is 3". I said sorry.. and expected 'sorry, englishla enakku pudikkada ore vaarta'. Instead he asked me to pay for the bifocal that i had caused him to break.

There you go, I did in fact have a ramanaesque persona teach me. Did you have any ramana's in your university?

*Disclaimer: The names of the professors have been changed by delta x to preserve their identities. In case you visit my university and find one of these names teaching there.. stand there and marvel at this coincidence. if you happen to find all these names around there, all i can say is miracles do happen, start believing in god.

Monday, October 22, 2007

FIFA 2008 the official review :)

For all those eagerly awaiting my review of the game :P here goes...

There has been a litany of flaws accompanied by rather exaggerated and unreasonable laments about FIFA and how it doesn't fair well in comparison to other soccer games in the market like PES. It's been thought that EA waste far too much money on the licenses and stuff to make the game attractive to a vast majority of average football fans rather than paying attention to the technicalities of the game to attract those "elite users". I read this somewhere.. "the people who buy FIFA are

1) People who dont play soccer in real life
2) People who dont follow actual soccer .. meaning football
3) Americans"

I have to say a part of that is true. But it is nonetheless obviously harsh stereotyping. I have played PES demo but never the full game. So I am not here to compare the two games. But looking at FIFA objectively we all know there were, are and will be flaws in the game. Removal of each and every flaw will result in a neat game. FIFA 08 does have its flaws, some even repeated over from 07 and 06 .. rather frustrating to know. But it has improved a lot too. To say the very least, it is one step closer to realistic soccer than its predecessors.

After a week of playing this game, a few friendlies with liverpool to see how Torres fits into the squad and then a be-a-pro season with a midfielder and then finally the ever reliable manager mode, I have been convinced that FIFA is not even close to a failure.

To start off Torres in Liverpool is just awesome, I played online and much to my satisfaction raped quite a few Man utd and Barca players. Much to their agony, FIFA 08 is a surprise. It's not a game for dribblers and those who only like to dribble and pull off tricks or outrun the defenders. FIFA 08 lays significant emphasis on Build-Up play. Pass and move kind of stuff. More midfield action than end-to-end stuff. You are more likely to see

this

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2bmK-XhIIMA in FIFA 08 rather than

this

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mDzB2wm9pGI&mode=related&search=

quite rightly. Events like Messi's goal should be landmark events not something that you see in every league game. In short, If you are disciplined defensively, you can make life difficult for the opposition. The defensive AI has improved a lot. One of the main features is the ability of the players to track back to position. Plus the Goalie is much more difficult to beat. You can choose how difficult you want him to be. The manual finishing and the optional control over the goalie make it all the more difficult; which makes perfect reasoning for introducing the be-a-pro mode in which by holding a button you can get back to your position. If you did that you are likely to receive the ball without even calling for it. But Be-a-pro is not much fun playing alone. If I were in India it would have been awesome playing it with my brother. And Be-a-pro is not online for PC. The most ridiculous part is after you complete a season with a player, that's about it, it doesn't even let you play in to the next season. But the challenges are good and quite hard to complete.

Finally, the manager mode. I started the manager mode with Wrexham FC in league 2. The introduction of pre-season friendlies is a good improvement although not very great. It might be a good way of testing your academy starlets and new signings. Manager mode is a perfect blend of football and football management, which is definitely a key attraction to any FIFA game. The main new feature in my opinion is the scheduling of trainings. The effect of training sessions are very obvious when you play with a team like Wrexham. I recommend playing with weaker teams in manager mode to enjoy it more. Training also introduces fatigue and dealing with substitutions and rotations more cleverly. With weaker teams convincing a player to join your club is a challenge by itself. I had to get my negotiator to level 6 to make my first transfer. And the board was quite pissed off since my coaches were only level 2. And scoring with a team like Wrexham is a much more rewarding experience. For example, I pulled off a win vs. Cardiff in the FA cup and it was a phenomenal last minute winner. You can see the fan support rating soaring.

There are flaws however. The most annoying is the commentary. When you hit a shot over the bar or wide, the commentators say "It was hit really hard, but the keeper was up to it" or "it almost took the goalkeeper in to the goal" and then it would be a goal kick.. ridiculous. Further the exaggeration of saves "OH WHAT A SAVE" when it was hit straight to the keep kind of stuff which existed in 07 and 06 are not corrected for. But with top-flight teams the commentary is closer to being realistic, with player names now attached to the strings and extra comments about the derby games. Aside: The fans now sing "you'll never walk alone" in anfield, which is awesome.

Presentation: poor. The same old menu system. I am sure changing the menu presentation wouldn't cost EA much time and effort. I would definitely love to see a new menu in a new game. At least, they should have changed the font!

Graphics: A shade better than 07 with improved texture and player faces. The ball physics has also improved.

Other significant improvements are, manual crossing and manual through balls, choosing the defender you wish to control and flipping control to the goalie with the right stick, semi-auto, auto and manual finishing controls which test different degrees of skill.

Overall it's an 8/10 from me and a must buy for FIFA fans.

Monday, October 08, 2007

FIFA 2008 Pre-Release

Can't wait for it already. It's releasing worldwide tomorrow. I have pre-ordered it and I will get it surely by Wednesday. Fifa 2007 was a bit of a let-down for fifa patrons around the world. There are many footie fans that rate PES much higher than FIFA for it's game play. FIFA has been famous for it's licenses; all the leagues you could play. Plus the recently introduced manager mode, though not as intense as FIFA manager or football manager, fifa soccer 07's managerial feature was decent. It's lot more fun and challenging when you play with Crewe Alexandra rather than Liverpool or Manchester United. This year they are adding more features to the manager mode. But the feature to watch is the Be a pro mode, in which you get to be the player you want to be. For me the choice is obvious; Stevie Gerrard. This is going to be so much fun and my expectations are rather high. The way I think and move and play is going to influence the result of the game. Imagine you are the lead striker of a team and you don't make good runs or get into position, your team won't score! And if you are a defender and you don't get behind the ball/ don't mark well and go to sleep, you concede because you made a mistake. It's like playing real soccer. Nothing is taken for granted. I don't actually know how much detail has been incorporated in to this, but it is quite a challenge and it is something, if it works alright. Well, I watched some NextGen videos of Fifa 2008 and I am awestruck. The graphics is phenomenal (however this is not the case for the pc version) and game play has improved enormously. But for the robotic type movement of the players, FIFA does have some seriously good gameplay.
The other thing about 08 is that you can customize formations and assign runs to your players. Having played football manager, I know that this is an awesome feature and you can add more guile and flair to your attacks. Lets pray and hope for FIFA 08's success simply cos I am going to spend 40 dollars on it :).

Sunday, September 30, 2007

David Deutsch's Qutotes

Not actually quotes... his law(David Deutsch is the author of 'the fabric of reality', a quantum physicist, another nerd in this world)

Every problem that is interesting is also soluble.

Corollary #1

Inherently insoluble problems are inherently boring.

Corollary #2

In the long run, the distinction between what is interesting and what is boring is not a matter of subjective taste but an objective fact.

Corollary #3

The problem of why every problem that is interesting is also soluble, is soluble.


Quotes taken from here

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sun..Fun...Blodirun

This summer was very different from last summer. Last summer, I was injured and at home. So I ended up doing some constructive work for my research. This time around, summer was magnificence to the max. For readers in Chennai the importance of 'summer' is unknown...but here it makes a huge difference. Summer is when we can go out in actual non-Eskimo clothes. Summer is the best time of the year since it's truly when the grass is green. But I have enjoyed this summer too much to my liking that it has pushed me to the limits of complacency. Most of my friends here in Minneapolis started to leave in May after making a job, in California invariably. So essentially it was one guy's treat or the other. We had a party everyday. We bought a PS2 and played soul calibur (a weapons fighting game) and virtually beat the crap outta each other. I have some videos of my friends making really funny faces while playing this, that I now understand why Rajinikanth thinks he needs to make that face when he's fighting. In the evenings we would play soccer which was great fun. In short I was so hard-pressed for time to do research. To make things worse, I joined our tennis ball cricket team which played some 'serious cricket' in a local league that comprised teams filled with imported TCSians, Infoscions and CTSians. Only that they preferred to be known as working for Walmart or BestBuy. What they failed to realize was that Walmart and BestBuy are nothing but the Saravana Stores and Vasanth & Co. of the USA. Anyways we were actually the defending champs of this tournament but we got our asses kicked in the second round and didn't make it to the semi finals. One interesting trait of this series was that someone from our team dropped 2 catches in every match. I am proud that the roll of honor did pass on to me as well. I visited my friend in Michigan and got sloshed for the first time in my life there. I made some good friends there and got my first acquaintance to the World of Warcraft.

For people who are unaware of this game, here's a south park episode on it.

http://www.southparkzone.com/episode-vid-1008.htm. It's called Make Love not Warcraft :D.

This episode actually won the emmy award. (What's happening to this world? :O). Now from then on I saw an interesting parallel between the world of warcraft and the 'real' world ( Please avoid elaborate discussions on the meaning of the 'real world'. It's a term for convenience.) As Stan's father explains to his colleague in the South Park episode, in the real world I am Guruprasad Somasundaram, one of several research assistants to Professor Nikolaos Papanikolopoulos, helping the cause of Robotics of computer vision to develop humanity. But in the World of Warcraft, he is Blodirun the Night elf druid. He's a conjurer, he's a spell-caster. He lives and fights for the alliance against the Horde. He lives in harmony with nature and uses the power of nature in his spells and possesses polymorphism...OOPS. He 's level 34 now out of a possible end-game 73. Blizzard entertainment has produced an ultimate life killer in WoW. If unattended or ignored WoW can kill your actual life. Or so they say; I think it has made me philosophical. I believe in the concept of the Matrix more than ever. (I think the concept has a name I am sure). I am also Hugi the dwarf hunter who has a pet snow leopard. MPD is not a psychological problem in the WoW. I am also doing great financially. I have 50 gold.

Anyways, to know more about this massively multiplayer online Role Playing Game (MMORPG), I seriously not recommend playing this game but limit your knowledge to what this post gives you. I am trying to get myself out of it.

In actual research life I went out filming. We filmed crosswalks all across Minneapolis and it's suburbs to study vehicle behavior in various types of crosswalks. I worked with Curtis Hammond a researcher in the Human Factors Lab in the School of Kinesiology. The cameras did the filming and my code did the analysis; we were fooling around. He's a versatile person who taught me some basic martial arts skills like throwing a screwdriver or a knife at a tree. The important factor for successful nailing was the amount of rotation you offered versus the horizontal velocity. In other words, during the time of travel the knife should perform a 180 degree rotation or if you are an expert, make it rotate multiples of 180 degrees over long distances. I also learned to use a staff to block and parry. Curtis is an expert of sticky-punching, which according to him suits his personality because it's about parrying and avoiding blows and if possible break the enemy's arm as opposed to attacking. He says he would never harm someone however pissed off he is at him. He's one of those Americans who likes to make fun of Americans. According to him Americans are insensitive and selfish drivers. pfffff... dude! come watch us drive in India. Oh there's one thing he can't stand and drives him crazy ( actually me too) is talking on the phone while driving. I think people who talk on the phone while driving should be hanged without question.

In the WoW I am an expert at wielding staves and daggers. Oh wait! I am supposed to be out of it.

Towards the end of summer it became busy. I wrote two papers for the International conference on Robotics and Automation. I am not sure about their acceptance though. My professor thinks I am hardworking and I feel a little guilty about that. So it was all sun, fun and Blodirun in summer. There's not much sun and fun these days.. and hopefully not much of Blodirun too in the future.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

To Pee Or Not To Pee

Let me give some facts and figures before I start. My office is about 14 kms from home and I ride there on my 'Street Hawk'.. er.. XL Super, which has a top speed of 40(that's in kmph) and goes from 0 to 30(again kmph) in as little as 300 seconds. Add to it my inertia and lethargy and the general morning traffic, on an average it takes me about 45 minutes to go to office.
The other day, just as I had started off, my 'bladder-full' sensors started sending alarm signals to my brain(you know how it feels, spare me the need to describe the sensation). Given that I am neither a NASA astronaut nor do i doubt that my lover is cheating on me, I have never had the need to use adult diapers.
Coming back, I had two options -
Option A - turn around, go back home and do it. I rejected this for Option B.
Option B - keep driving, let the situation evolve and hopefully my brain will pull out a better plan.
I did manage to pull out an idea - look out for public urinals and stop at the first one. I drove for another twenty minutes before I finally found one(and the only one) which turned out to be locked. Perhaps the manager of the place wasn't expecting a client so early in the morning. It was then that i realized the flaw in the plan, something that I should have known earlier. People here don't use a public urinal, in fact we don't even need a public urinal, we have the WALL.
I don't know much about how things work in the west, I think that out there a wall is just a wall, a boundary, that's it. But here, a wall serves more than one purpose. It is where the political world announces their meetings to the public, it is where the entertainment world howls what's showing and most importantly in the present context, it is where people do it. It can be the cornucopia of information or stink depending on your perspective. With every passing wall upon which my eyes fell, I was maddened by the urge to spray paint it and salinate the surrounding earth. However, the false dignity that I had assumed over the course of my life stopped me from doing it.
Things were getting really bad now, the bladder control unit was jamming my brain with the same signal(kinda like caught in an infinite loop), despite the fact that my brain had acknowledged the gravity of the situation and had responded back saying 'wait for my command'. I started sweating profusely, and this certainly did not help the situation, which is ironic given that perspiration effectively performs a similar function. Clearly, the Creator hadn't given much thought about load balancing in our fluid regulatory mechanisms(Now where should I report this bug?).
Somehow I managed to not cave in to the pressure and reached the office, and I don't have to tell what I did first. It was bliss. I think it will the closest I will ever come to experiencing the so called 'anandam that follows prasava vedhanai'(roughly translates to joy after the troubles/pain of pregnancy), unless of course genetic engineering grows to stupid proportions and the woman with whom I am destined to have kids decides to mutate me with seahorse DNA.
My bladder control hasn't been the same since that fateful day, if only I hadn't cared for my false dignity. I choose to blame the government for this. I am so pissed off.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Calvin, Susie, Miss Wormwood and my cousin

My six year cousin has achieved something I haven't so far been able to do my entire life - kiss a girl. Apparently, he has got this pretty class mate at school, towards whom he must have been attracted for some time now, and one day overwhelmed by these feelings decides to spurt it out, and what better way to do it than a harmless peck on the cheek. Well all went well and his kiss was well received, only that his teacher caught him in the act. Now, this reminds of Calvin, Susie, Miss Wordwood and a situation Watterson came freakishly close to draw(I remember Calvin wanting to kiss Susie, did he?). The teacher, who I am told shares the looks and attitude of her great-great-great grandfather, Jabba the Hutt, didnt approve of this behaviour(perhaps, my cous's suavity reminded her of Han Solo), and bounced him around like the metal ball in a pin ball machine. Once she was done feasting, she went ahead and informed his parents.
Now, it was my uncle's job to talk sense to the boy, he had a man-to-man talk with him, advised him that such public display of affection is immoral and will not be tolerated in this society. He seemed to take things well. It looked like a done and dusted matter, except that the very next day, the kid goes and kisses the girl again, although this time taking care that 'Miss Wormwood' wasn't poking around. But alas, the other girls in the class saw him doing 'it', and one of them turned out to be the reincarnation of Cinderella's ugly step sister. The vestiges of countless-loveless-lives began to haunt her and in her anguish, she informed the teacher about the kiss. Well, the teacher decided that this time the crime went way beyond her jurisdiction and sent the boy to the principal. Gzzzzzzzz-Bang-Bink-Jish-Boing-Boing-Boing-Doun-Dash-Tish - Pin ball time for the principal. The second thrashing in as many days and the detention that followed seemed to have squeezed the dare out of the boy, no more kissing episodes have happened since. I don't think he ever understood why he shouldn't jave kissed, I imagine him talking this out with his Hobbes-equivalent buddy.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Avani Avittam

Avani avittam is an annual brahmin festival that involves changing of the 'sacred' threads we wear. I dont know the significance of the event, but I imagine it to be the time I seek pardon for all the misdeeds in the past year and promise not to do any. Every year all the folks in our building gather in the terrace to change threads under the guidance of a sasthrigal. The one thing I dread about this is the prospect of walking in public with nothing but my dhoti, my head gets filled with these visions of the dhoti slipping away or being blown away and leaving me almost naked. Somehow I have managed to prevent it from happening so far and hope that it never happens, for the embarassment involved is directly proportional to age(it would be less embarassing had it happened when i was 13 than when i am 30).

I also have a reason to like this ceremony, it is the one occasion where I am the slimmest guy in a gathering, watching the other elder folks around with saggier man breasts and bigger beer bellies gives me a sense of happiness that I am at least not so much bad in shape.(pathetic:( ) However, the difference between them and me seems to be decreasing with each passing year, which is rather unsettling. (damn, i should start working out).

We usually have an old sasthrigal along with his apprentice who supervises the proceedings. Age seems to have finally caught up with him, and this year sadly he has decided to retire from this service. This has opened up the door for the young padawan learner (ok, not so young, he is 40) to lead events. While the old guy knew all the incantations by heart, the apprentice needed to refer to his notes every couple of minutes. He also seemed to lack the charisma, the authority and command that accompanied his teacher. What the heck, in today's world nobody is bothered with these things(neither am I, it was just an observation), people want to get things done fast and easy.
Anyway, only one half of the procedure is complete, I still have to go through the remaining tomorrow, which involves reciting a mantra 1008 times. I have never managed to complete the 1008, the closest i think i ever came must be around 900. This time I hope I can surpass my personal best.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Siamese Twins

I suppose you have heard about conjoined twins, if not here is a wikipedia article(written by a stranger with no credibility) describing it. I also suppose that you would agree that it is one of the most terrible abnormalities that one could possibly have and that you are lucky you aren't one such(again assuming that you are not one). From what I know, remedy for the condition is available through a very complex surgery which involves considerable risk. Also, the complexity of such a surgery supposedly increases with age.

I happen to know one such Siamese twins, for quite some time now, although not too personally. And I think you would be knowing about them too, unless you have been living in a spider hole for a very long time. The couple I know of were born before I was and there is an interesting tale surrounding their birth. If you love solving puzzles, chances that you have come across the one involving triplets born on different dates are high. I could never understand the solution to that one, but was convinced that there is a perfectly logical explanation to it. Well, their tale doesnt explain it, but it sure shows that such a scenario is perfectly possible. Yes, the twins that I am referring to are actually part of triplets, all born on different dates. Wait, there is more, all were conjoined, until surgery(a quite bloody one I am told) separated one from the remaining two.

Let's talk about the ones that continue to be joined. Despite their situation, the pair I speak of have actually developed their own identities, for which I am happy, but at some point(probably from the beginning itself) their thinking, their ideology and their perspective on what is good and otherwise and life in general hadn't sync-ed as much as their bodies(after all no two people are the same, conjoined or not). Their already worse life was made further miserable by constant bickering and petty arguments(usually followed by long silence, which is unimaginable given their state), even frivolous squabbles over who was the rightful owner of the organs they shared. They have even claimed at times that they don't need the other for survival. Do you think that it is entirely possible for them to be so? Do you think that they can go about their business as normal people do? Do you really think that they can be INDEPENDENT as they stand and claim and are probably celebrating this very moment?

P.S: Its OK if you dont feel like answering my questions, I shouldnt have asked them at all, there is never a good time to ask them, especially on their birthdays.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My first cartoon strip...

I have finally managed to create my first cartoon strip, courtesy toondoo. Anyway, I couldnt decide on the theme and ended up choosing the theme for the contest in the site. I have picked on Bush's misery.



I am hoping to do regular strips, but finding a good common theme is proving to be difficult, all my ideas seem to be a EEE of either dilbert, calvin n hobbes or pearls before swine. Do you have a nice theme for a cartoon strip?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Matrix Conspiracy Theory

I have been a great fan of the movie 'The Matrix' ever since I watched it for the first time. I was(yes.. was) fascinated by the whole 'brain in a vat' concept and would make compelling and lengthy arguments in its favour with anyone who would argue against it. However, in time, the theory lost its charm once I couldn't make much progress in it(although I still respect it as one of the possibilities). I am not going to discuss the theory here and revive my enthusiasm, rather I will make some observations from the movie.

The movie has a character called Morpheus, an elusive personality who has been freed from the Matrix and goes about freeing others. Morpheus believes in a prophecy that there is this 'One' who will liberate the entire mankind from the Matrix and will bring about the fall of machines. His belief is more than just belief, it is an obsession that drives him to kill other people stuck in the Matrix in his war against the machines. He even encourages his followers to do the same, and justifies it using the 'if he is not one of us, he is one of them' theory. The matrix is also inhabited by agents - programs that search and destroy Morpheus and their kind, programs that maintain order in the Matrix. As part of maintaining order, the agents also misinform the residents about the extremist nature of Morpheus and his followers. Now, anybody who has seen the movie will say that Morpheus is a hero out to save the world and the suit clad agents are the villains.

Ok, now that we are clear about who are the good guys and the bad guys, let me make a few changes to the characters. I would like to replace Morpheus with Osama and the agents with the CIA and the other agencies searching Osama(I would have asked you to picture Bush as Smith, but I think Smith is quite intelligent). All we know about Osama is that he is waging a war against the USA and the reason given to us is that he is doing so in the name of religion. Cutting down the religion motive, don't you see a Morpheus in Osama? Both have been portrayed as terrorists, both have eluded capture. Both have killed people and believe in similar theories('if he is not one of us, he is one of them.. so kill him' theory). The agencies out to nab him snoop on us very much like the agents. (You can cite many similarities if you start to imagine.) Is it possible that we have been misinformed and brainwashed by the US government about Osama? What are the odds that Osama is indeed the equivalent of Morpheus and is out to relieve us?


PS: its better if i put up a disclaimer... this is just a perspective... I am not an osama supporter.. and i dont want agents coming to my office and picking me up for interrogation... but if you do choose to come.. i will choose the blue pill and kick your ass ;)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Bienvenido Torres... Adios Garcia!!

Finally the much awaited big budget move happened. Fernando Torres has moved to Anfield after 12 years at Atletico Madrid. El Nino ( The Kid ) as he is affectionately called in his home town is a perfect blend of youth and experience. He's only 23 and he joined Atletico Madrid's first team when he was 17. He became the club captain at 19. So he's more than just a striker, he can be a force in the field with his leadership qualities and the passion he brings to the game. I recently learned he has been supporting Liverpool for quite some time now along with his friends. Apparently all his friends have "You'll never walk alone" tattooed to their arms but Torres could not, instead he was given an arm band with YNWA embroidered in it. The move to Liverpool is worth 20 million pounds or 30 million euros with a wage expected to be around 100k pounds a week. The player averages 15 goals in the Spanish league and it has been a much debated topic as to whether Torres is the player Liverpool want especially with the amount of money at stake. Liverpool fans voiced their opinions in various forums to bring Charlton star Darren Bent to Liverpool. They exhibited nonplussed behavior at the prospect of signing Torres as to whether he's the "finisher" goal-getter that Liverpool needs and why not go for a talent that's proven to work in the premiership. A fair thought I should say considering the strength in Liverpool's midfield. The strikers have been getting great service from the likes of Gerrard, Alonso and Pennant and they have also pitched in with their share of goals every now and then. Personally I have not watched much of Torres but he is a highly rated player in Spain. He averages 15 goals per season in a side which lost to Barca 6-0. But is he the finisher that Liverpool need? According to me Torres is one type of striker Liverpool does not have. Liverpool have a work-horse in Dirk Kuyt, a flamboyant finisher in Crouch and a muscle man in Voronin. Torres brings that Spanish flavor of attacking football which is new to Liverpool and might be really useful considering Liverpool's Spanish style of playing. I would be happy even if he replicates his 15 goal form next season. With Crouch in great touch and Kuyt's hard work Liverpool can get the goals they have been missing. Of course I didn't mention Bellamy... Rafa has admitted that he's on his way out with a number of clubs making offers for him.

Luis Javier Garcia Sanz is back to Spain after a great record of 30 goals in 121 appearances for Liverpool. This prolific goal scoring midfielder has been a valuable asset to Liverpool over the last 3 seasons. He's saved the day on many important occasions such as the Champions League Quarter final vs Juventus (a stunner), the controversial winner vs Chelsea in the semi final, his last minute winners vs Arsenal in the League and many more. He's a midfielder with a difference. All said I think this is a good move for both the club and Garcia since his style of play is more suitable in Spain than in England where the game is about fast paced physical action. I have been frustrated many times by his failure to complete a superb counter attacking move. Many breaks have been foiled by Garcia's inability to maintain composure at that high pace and he tried one too many tricks which were to say the least, disrespectful to the opponents. As a midfielder his ball distribution is poor but he is a genuine attack-minded player who gets free very often and has got a great touch with the ball. I wish him good luck in Atletico Madrid. He has already played for Atletico and has scored 9 goals with them. He's sure to be a fan favorite and Atletico gained two for the loss of one, with Forlan, another Spanish hit having already signed for them.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Nolte soccer

It is great to be playing soccer again out in the sun. It's that same field as last summer - Nolte Center, which isn't supposed to be a field exactly. This field has two huge triangular sections of a rectangle separated at it's diagonal by a broad patch of concrete for people to walk on. Ok you can say that the triangular patches are just two sections of lawn we play on and nobody at the University cares. I tore my ACL in this very field last year trying to play a ball from the right flank to absolutely no one in the box. All my efforts of running after a poor ball went to waste plus I got myself injured. This year I am happy to be competing at the same physical level as the others. I am not a forward anymore it's a boring position to play soccer. I love playing central midfield and I know almost everything about what to do at the position although I can do only 20 -30% of the job. It's a place where you can spot your players and the opponents. Envision and execute some top notch passes or guess your opponents movements and try to stop them. I am a good passer I think and I can run well and get free. But I am not as good as the others at dribbling and I am so so with tackling. I try to make up for it by combining with someone while attacking. I think I have a good understanding with Karthik who I think is good naturally as a winger. Shyam is a menace, he's an awesome dribbler and it's difficult to win a ball against him. I shouldered him several times and won the ball about once or twice. I thought he was being nice to me since he knows about my injury. Although I hate that attitude towards me I have to admit that I am not a pro player and I have other things to take care of. Shyam keeps a cool head in not getting provoked by my physical style and makes sure he doesn't hurt any one. Prashanth likes to stick to the ball and holds it for a long time and waits for a player to make a run. I hate it when he shows his back to me, I haven't figured how to get the ball off him when he does that. Raghu is a good player and very relaxed in his approach. He is very experienced and can make good use of a mistake by the opponent. Vardi is a natural sportsman, he understands team games superbly and is a basketball player from college. Although he doesn't follow soccer he has the ability to adapt to the game. He is famous for his clumsy dances with the ball, but he's a very good team player. KC is the player I miss, he's off to California for good, but playing soccer with him was immense fun, a very passionate player who doesn't like to lose. He's a skilled forward but lacks heavily in stamina. He creates problems in small pitches. Soccer makes me happy and feel young. It's the best form of work-out according to me. Nothing gets me excited as much as soccer does. I am really looking forward to our game today!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Just Smile!

I recently visited my friend in Ann Arbor, Michigan. On the day I left Minneapolis I was kind of tired and a bit sullen. I finished checking in my luggage at the Airport and I was at the gate 1/2 hour before boarding. Just to make sure everything was ok I went up to the desk at the gate and asked "Am I all set to go. Do I have to do anything?". The guy replied "Just Smile!". It conjured up a smile in my face as if it were some sort of a magic trick or hypnosis since I kind of got instructions as to how much I can smile by looking at his suggestive face. Whatever that was, I was in a very good mood that day and it made a wealth of a difference to me. Thank you gate guy!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Crying - Physically challenged - Television

Laughter is the best medicine. Let me tell you.. tears are equally good. A friend of mine tells me she cries for no reason at all some times and it helps her to feel better. Well.. that might be a bit weird, but the point is that crying helps. Whatever the reason may be,I have this new found love for crying. Laughing makes you feel happy, crying makes you feel good... sometimes crying makes you feel better. Living all by yourself without your loved ones around is a strange experience. You feel that something is wrong but it's hard to understand what that is. Sometimes all you need is someone to ask you "What's wrong?". I am not creating sympathy here but I wish to analyze my emotions in a not so emotional fashion. When you miss home you don't exactly know what you miss about it. When you are sad, you rarely know what exactly you desire to make you feel better. Sometimes all it takes is to fool the system with a few tears. You share your sorrows with a friend... how does it make the situation any different?; but you often feel better, relieved or supported. Crying is similar... it's a drug. However it needs a trigger and it's not easy to cry. People who often cry are experts with this trigger. People who don't cry often can't cry because they don't know how.

I found this Japanese Series on stage6 called "1 litre of tears". I started watching this initially because I thought the girl in the lead role was too cute and also due to my recent craze for the Japanese language. But as the name suggests it is a very good tear trigger. I am so in love with the quality of this series, the acting, the background score and the direction and it has a very touching story. It is about a girl who suffers from spinocerebral ataxia by which she loses all her physical faculties slowly. Her slow degeneration from the age of 15 till she dies at 25 is well portrayed with the highlight on the difficulties she faces in the society and the hardship she faces in realizing herself that she's not the "normal" person in school anymore. This is based on the diary of Aya Ikeuchi, originally intended to inform her doctor about the progress of the disease. This kind of a series in my view is definitely a good way to bring about awareness in the media about physically challenged people. It makes one understand things about disabled people we would normally otherwise not think about. I injured my knee last year this time and I had to undergo surgery to fix it. I was so to say "handicapped" for a few months deprived of my very basic physical activities like running. It took me 3 months to get my walk proper. I am not saying I am in a better position to understand the disabled but I know what it feels like to see people around you walking 3 miles to downtown to watch a movie or playing in a sunday league soccer tournament. I can understand what frustration is. I wonder what I would have done without my friends who always made sure my spirits were high. They even agreed not to give me my birthday bums :). So I could relate to this story where Aya Ikeuchi talks about how her friends made her life less miserable. Once she says "Just being alive is a lovely and wonderful thing". Very true, isn't it? People keep talking about luck and fortune these days... I ask how greedy can one get? Anyways I seriously recommend "1 litre of tears" to our Indian housewives and nannies if they are really fond of crying. It is much more meaningful than our commercial soap operas. Cry for the good I say!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

School days

Reminiscing one's past can be such a great pastime as I discovered a few days back, lying on my bed after a good meal, recalling my good old school days. Most of the memories that i managed to recollect were unimportant and inconsequential, like the one time I pulled off an absolutely splendid catch standing at point (which was followed by wild celebrations), only to find that it was a no-ball, and the time my report card read that I received first rank to my disbelief only to realise that my class teacher had made an gross mistake at calculating the sum and so on. A couple of funny incidents popped which I felt worth sharing.
One incident that I remembered happened at the time my class ten board results were announced. Back then, I was good at all subjects except English. I used to narrowly scrap a pass and anything close to 60 was a reason to celebrate. Somehow I never developed a liking to the language which was worsened by the attitude of my english teacher. According to her, I was an "INCORRIGIBLE CHAP" who could not string together two words even to greet someone(I never used to greet her 'Hari Om'/'Good Morning', she misunderstood it to be the result of my supposedly thickskinned nature, but I can assure you that I was deliberately rebellious). She was true, I was beyond repair as far as her subject was concerned, even I had given up. Coming back to the incident, when the results were put up, to everyone's surprise/shock (including mine) I had topped English. (This was something unexpected, perhaps evidence to the existence of 'the supernatural', although it was something I didnt want, I would have happily exchanged the same marks with the ones i scored in math or science.) But it had its worth, I did not see my teacher until the Annual Day when I received a book in recognition of my performance, and when my teacher approached to congratulate me, once again I did not put together more than two words. Had she been over 50, I bet she would have had a heart attack. I imagine her having epileptic seizures that night and losing the ability to have orgasms henceforth. (Dont judge me by these words, I had suffered under her regime for four years, besides the hate was mutual).
Another incident that makes me laugh until my stomach aches happened when I was in eighth. That was the time guys started learning some of the unmentionable words(the 'f' word for example). We used to develop aliases for these, for public use would mean swift and severe retribution. (I was caught once for using them but was let off lightly, I had to chant 'Hanuman Chalisa' eleven times for 21 days, for the first time in my life i was happy to be in a religion oriented school) Interestingly, the girls too had some code worded abuses. Any disagreement involving a girl and a boy used to be followed by exchange of these 'abuses'. Neither group knew what the opposite party's code words meant. One boy in our class was so curious to know what the girls' code meant, that he went and offered an gentlemanly proposition to a couple of girls, 'i will tell you what my code means and you tell me what yours mean'. The girls agreed to this offer but asked the boy to volunteer first. I can tell you it was a big mistake, the initial excitement at knowing the boys' code was quickly shadowed by the realisation that they were being subjected to some of the most offensive slurs. I will not mention the guys' abuses to avoid censorship, but the JIM's and GEM's, the most lethal weapons in the girls' abuse armoury turned out to be 'Jayalalitha In Miniature' and 'Ginger Eating Monkey'. (Between I wasnt the one who leaked the code, I have already explained my 'condition' whenever i get within five feet of any woman in one of the previous blogs, although i will admit that I was curious to know what their code meant.)

It remains a mystery as to why of all the incidents I remembered these. But I bet each one of you can think of such silly anecdotes when you are lying after a good meal.

Kay-K

P.S
And by the way the blog url has changed to fantasticbore.blogspot.com, which obviously is yet another useless piece of information that I am puking all over you, for you wouldnt be reading this if you didnt know the change.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

What I redeemed from the Shawshank redemption ?

Case 1 :
Well, You occasionally get to watch a movie which hits you so hard in your mind, that makes your blood to rush at the speed of light.U feel u would have the handled the situation much better than that dumbo (the hero).U wish to do something unbelievable,something so adventurous that the whole world will stand up and celebrate you.... But then...wait a moment.... You have a nice deep slumber, wake up fresh next day and u dont even realise that u had such amazing thoughts running in your mind just less than 12 hours back. You are that same old jack-ass, no different from the one that you were yesterday.
Case 2 :

You have never heard of that movie, it lies in your PC for months unwatched, it just got copied to your hard-disk along with other junk movies.... and one day u feel so bored, so alone, and very very jobless that u put this stuff...the movie goes on...but you dont imagine yourself as the hero and you dont run your own movie in your mind.. u just watch it... the movie ends.... it was a happy ending, but still u heart feels so heavy... u cant realise that movie has ended and the movie's starcast is scrolling up, but u keep staring at the screen as if the movie has just begun.
But then again...wait a moment.... You have a nice deep slumber, wake up fresh next day and u still feel heavy... even though u didnt have any amazing thoughts or adventurous dreams running in your mind last night.

Days pass by, months pass by, but every now and then, u start relating things happening in your everyday-life with some scene or dialogue of that movie. u have never seen that "everyday happening thing " in this point of view ever before...

And that was how your outlook changed without u realising it...
.
.
.
.
FYI,This is not a CASE study of movie watching... its my crude classification of all the movies i've seen till date. all the other movies in my movie portfolio which does fall under class 1 or class 2 come under a single section named- " CRAP OR BULLSHIT OR BOTH ".
I can put a hell lot examples for case 1 , but a notable one and a one which I can recollect right now is a hindi movie of the recent past.
Its called "Lakshya".
The hero turns from this rich and ruined asshole to a war hero saving the nation's pride in less than three hours...but the movie is awesome.... still one of my favourite flicks... For my childhood dream of becoming a pilot in the Indian Air Force, the movie was more than perfect to make my nerves taut. I had watched it over and over six or seven times, but alas i couldnt help it falling into class 1.
There are very few examples that i can put forward for case 2.
The best one would be "The Shawshank redemption", the one that the world thinks is the second best ever ( source : http://www.imdb.com/ ).

I dont want to ( in fact, I can't) give out a review here, no words are worth explaining it, you got to watch it to realise it. but there are things told in this movie which sticks to your heart so closely, that it gets binded with your character and changes the way the look at things.
View count?
I really dont have a count of how many times I've watched it
Story?
Smart banker Andy gets a life imprisonment in Shawshank jail for supposedly murdering his adulterous wife. makes a good friend "Red" in the jail, perhaps the only guy he trusts and vice versa, does all the tax paper work for jail officers, stays there for almost 20 years before breaking the jail and escaping the invincible prison.
As simple as that...
But when movie ends, u will understand the near perfect meaning of "what is hope?" if weren't already aware of, and what it means to any individual...
Some sample excerpts...

In the end, Andy says to Red "... hope is a good thing, its indeed the best of all things..."
and why? Andy digs through the prison wall for twenty years with a small rockhammer kept hidden in his bible. He just hoped he would reach the other side of the wall some day, he hoped he would be a free man someday, He didnt lose hope even though that "someday" came twenty years later...

"You get institutionalized with these (prison) walls...
First, u hate them..
Then, u get used to them..
In the end, u start depending on them so much that u can't leave them.."
what is it to get institutionalized?
Brookes, the librarian of the shawshank jail gets released from prison after fifty years imprisonment on goodwill. He was such a respected and educated guy in that prison. Man comes out and realises that he just doesnt fit anywhere in the society. Commits Suicide!

Every single scene and dialogue in the movie that makes so much sense, maybe not right away but when we face new things in life.

Whenever I feel I have redeemed enough from the movie, I watch it one more time jus to realise that its just the beginning of my redemption...

If u think all this is such a bullshit and so should the movie also be, do watch the movie once and come back to read this again...

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Strange Decisions

Steve McLaren seems to have brought the English team to good shape by recalling Beckham. Beckham proved his critics wrong and he has raised the question whether he should have been dropped in the first place after the world cup disaster. It's true that football is a team game and victory/loss is a result of collective team effort. But the English football association and the media are very fond of making some of their players scapegoats for the lack of results. The blame for the loss is often taken by an individual and not the team as a whole. However the return of Beckham has it's good and bad. The good : There's no doubt now as to where Gerrard should play - Central Midfield. The combination of Gerrard and Lamps proved great vs Brazil and Estonia. But the problem however is that Beckham doesn't make runs which means the right back should be a good wing back. Gary Neville is decent but England seems to miss someone like Dani Alves or Philip Lahm. Jamie Carragher used to be right back and he replaced the injured Neville vs Brazil but it was clear that he doesn't fit that role anymore having played as a center back for quite a while now. But Rio's injury means Jamie can play as center back. Steve McLaren made the right decision of playing wes brown instead of carra vs estonia but why did he play king and not carra as center back. Is it because he's well built? According to me it's a strange decision since carra has played and shined against the best attackers in europe. The recent show against Ac Milan in the final of the champions league is a good testimonial by itself. I hope McLaren plays Carra against the good teams if Rio doesn't play in the future. England now look good to take on the big sides of europe next year. But elsewhere Germany, Norway and Sweden had thumping wins against San Marino, Hungary and Iceland. Looking forward to Austria-Switzerland!


--Guru

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I still can't believe it

The champions league final this time was disappointing for more than the one obvious reason which is Liverpool’s defeat. I wanted to watch it on television since the online streams are often unreliable. For example I had to miss the England vs. Portugal penalties and I had to check scores online which was more frustrating than the England defeat. I was praying to god during the penalty shoot-out in the semi final with Chelsea that I shouldn't lose the stream more than how I prayed for a Liverpool win. However watching it on TV here in America comes with a different price. You must watch TV here to know how much it sucks. The Ads lack creativity to the core. And if you love soccer/hate American sports then this is not the place to watch a special event such as the Champions league final. Watching the trash talk show ahead of the game was a bigger disappointment. I heard comments like "the best player in soccer keeps changing every 15 minutes" and then this was followed by "kaka is perhaps the best player in the game, may be even better than ronaldo (Milan)". I don’t know how many knew that ronaldo was actually cup-tied, otherwise he would have played. Further Kaka and Ronaldo are different kinds of players. I definitely missed the likes of Andy Gray and Martin Tyler during the game and John Dykes and company ahead of the game. Another issue was the crowd volume; it was close to nil. I know how the atmosphere would have been in Athens but all you can hear on American TV is the continuous rambling of inept commentators. But these Americans are clever; they had someone who could fake the British accent well thinking that they can make up for the lack of content. Having said all this, they had a pitch-side commentator who I should admit was good at understanding the flow of the game and the tactical moves of the two managers. So in effect they the non-pitch-side commentators sounded crappier.

The game was very similar to the Liverpool - Manchester United game at Anfield this year which ended in a 1-0 defeat to Liverpool. Liverpool controlled the game throughout the 90 minutes only for a late winner by John O'Shea. Everyone talked about how adept Manu are at winning in the final moments but Liverpool’s heroics of playing the league leaders Manchester united as if they were playing southend united were long forgotten. It was a similar situation in Athens; Liverpool controlled the game from the start. Milan had no answer to Rafa's tactical prowess. Kaka and Seedorf were nowhere to be seen. Milan was so naive to believe that kaka and seedorf would have a man each on them giving the others space to create chances. The truth: Ancelotti feared Liverpool. He needed Luck and he had it. Liverpool countered Milan's 4-5-1 with a similar 4-5-1 with Kuyt as the one-top and gerrard helping him out right behind him. Zenden, Alonso, Mascherano and pennant were in midfield. Finnan, Carra, Agger and Riise in defense. The team was almost perfect (given the roster of course). The weakling - no prizes for guessing - Boudewijn Zenden. In my view this guy doesn’t deserve a red shirt and it's good that he's been told to leave. Alright then - Milan were playing oddo,maldini,nesta and ambrosini at the back. Pirlo, Seedorf, kaka, gattuso and jankulovski in midfield with Filippo Inzaghi up-front. Mascherano and Alonso limited the moves of Kaka and Seedorf brilliantly and Milan were kept quiet. So it was all Liverpool. It was all about creating chances and taking them. The first part happened. But it was one of those days when the finishing wasn't top notch and the goals weren’t coming. Liverpool came close several times the best opportunity being Gerrard's weak shot for a Dida save few yards in front of the goal. Xabi Alonso beat the keeper and the goal by a whisker with a 25 yard drive earlier on in the game. AC Milan needed a lucky break from the continuous pressure by Liverpool and it happened seconds before half time. Due to a un-carra like miscommunication between him and Alonso, kaka was able to get to the edge of the box and Alonso fouled him. The free kick was easily Pirlo material. But the shot wasn’t great and Reina looked to have had it under control only that it became a deflection off Pippo and the ball went into the goal. The goal is considered to be controversial since it is alleged that it was off the arm. But no official saw it and hence this crucial goal was allowed to stand.

Now it was a different ball game. Actually not.. It was a cagey affair from the beginning. A battle of the minds. It was all about who got the first goal and then it was just throwing back to defend and counter-attacking. Milan are far too experienced to make a mistake in that. Nesta was brilliant. But then the much awaited move of Kewell for Zenden happened after 59 minutes in the game. Kewell looked fresh and looked to change things around with his tricks on the left flank. Though it wasn't exactly "Harry's magic", at least he took on the defenders with more courage than Zenden. An offensive move had to happen but it happened quite late in the game. Crouch, probably the most successful striker for Liverpool this season came in at 78 minutes for Mascherano. Kaka's genius then became obvious. He played a magic pass to Pippo who finished his brace in style. But what this also showed was how Mascherano had kept a good watch on Kaka until then. But Crouch made an immediate impact. He forced a good save with a 30 yard drive. The goal for Liverpool came 5 minutes before time with a Kuyt header. A dramatic comeback was once again on the cards. But this time, time wasn’t on Liverpool’s side. Milan clinched to their one goal lead over 8 minutes. Pippo faked a blow from a Kewell cross and everyone knew he was wasting time. Kewell couldn't help laughing, I was laughing with disgust. I got reminded of the World Cup final incident. And the referee somehow felt he should blow the whistle 20 seconds earlier despite the histrionics from Pippo and some subs from Ancelotti (an obvious time wasting strategy).

But there was good and bad to take from the game for Liverpool. Overall the teams were matched equally. There was no "daylight" between the teams as claimed by many. Liverpool played well with great movements. Jermaine pennant was awesome vs. Jankulovski (the weakling in Milan). Zenden was crap. And we are still not able to fathom why Rafa didn’t bring crouch earlier on and why he played Arbeloa when he could have played bellamy. Carra was phenomenal as usual. It was no humiliating defeat. A game that could have gone either way. Finally Rafa praised Milan (don’t know what for!) and admitted they were a great side(no arguments!). The carry-home message is Liverpool are definitely a force to reckon with in the future and are developing into a serious threat under Rafa.

--Guru

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

How I saved the world

Warning: Nonsense post ahead
Finally I have managed to make a list of what i really want to be. It is just a little too long to fit in here but I will just give a gist of it. When i look into the list, I wonder why I would want to be the returning war hero turned actor/director turned businessman turned politician with a penchant for adventure sports, space travel, expensive cars and also possessing a secret Dexter's laboratory in my backyard. Ok, most of you would think that I am mad, but how many of you would opt for such a life given a choice?
A different perspective into this bizarre wish list tells me that I only want to be any of these only for the resultant fame (sigh!). Now that i have established what i really want, it is time to look into the possible outcome that may result in my pursuit to glory. There are two ways to reach fame - do something exceptionally smart or exceedingly stupid. Whatever I do of these two, the outcome would be something that is good to mankind or otherwise. So every time I try to attain fame there is 50-50 chance of success and failure(success denotes resulting goodness and failure otherwise). Observations and experience has shown me that doing good for mankind takes a lot of time to get noticed, so predictably the urge to do something bad overpowers the intention to do something good. I would hence change the probability accordingly, out of every 4 attempts that i take, only 1 would make it useful to people. Now, this is indeed bad news to all you folks out there. Dont panic, I havent added a significant factor yet. I also happen to be one of the laziest persons in this planet, so the chances that i would actually get up and do something with the intention of becoming famous are very low. (However, please do not discount the chances of me doing something good or bad without putting any effort and attaining fame in the process. I haven't ruled out the possibility of someone finding out the fact that the heat generated due to the constant rubbing of my buttocks with the chair contributes more to global warming than the Airbus A380. I am waiting for reporters to throng my living room :)
Thus I conclude by saying that my sheer laziness has saved the world from total annihilation. Isnt it reason enough to be famous? Where are the news reporters?

Thursday, April 26, 2007

God must be a PC assembler

If there is one thing that scares the shit out of me(literally), it is the prospect of talking to a woman. My legs start doing the Mr.Bean jig, my tongue starts sticking to the ceiling of my mouth and my jaws get stuck into a strained tooth revealing smile that plainly conveys the message that i am not interested in talking or that I have a bad tooth ache. Anyway, I was forced into a conversation with a colleague that could have been easily avoided had i not been so gullible in assuming that I could just pull it off. Well, it went the way that it usually happens. For someone whose entire conversation in the office(other than anything work related) is limited to hellos, good mornings and byes, bringing up an interesting conversation with a woman over a cup of evening coffee is an onerous, stressful task.
Well, if there is anything in this world that comes close to god, i think it is google. My idea of god would be someone who answers all my questions. Google certainly does that, sometimes on the first try, sometimes it tests my patience by hiding the answer in the 121st page and also occasionally correcting me to ask the right questions. Anyway, I looked up 'How to talk to women' in google and Ta-da.. there were instant answers, although i dint look up any of the links to spare myself the embarassment of my colleagues finding me reading such an article. On hindsight, it would have been a good option to have looked into them.
All this makes me think of god being a wily PC assembler, he apparently fixed me up with a 3Ghz quad core processor, 300 GB HDD and a 3GB RAM, but when it came to installing the OS, i guess he chose windows 3.11 or windows 98(although i am happy, it is not Vista, i would be asking permission even to pee...), that crashes even when i attempt a simple communication. Not to forget the obselete NIC card of the 80's that he installed, which is incapable of the establishing a connection for lack of compatibility with latest protocols. My poor soul has indeed had a raw deal with god :(

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Why am i not blogging frequently?

Lately, I have been wondering why i am not writing as much as i would like to, for there are so many things i can think about, and opinions I have wanted to write about. The two reasons that I could think of are
a) Who cares about what you think?
Ok. I admit it, I am no Malcolm Gladwell or Scott Adams, that people jam the network to read what i think and attain salvation in the process, and
b) In my experience, people look into a blog for two reasons, to get some useful insight or information on a specific topic or to derive some sort of pleasure from reading the blog. My blog would definitely not fall into the first category, but I try to make it as good as possible so that it qualifies into the second. So when I set out to write something, I simultaneouly evaluate the PFRB index(pleasure from reading blog), that an average reader would derive by reading the blog.
On the face of it, humans seem highly capable of multitasking, most often than not we do two or more things at a time and pride ourselves at doing it..(that makes it three or more). It looks like we have been designed to do so, but nothing in the rest of nature seems to suggest this. Have you ever seen any animal eat its dinner while watching TV or read magazines while shitting? Since we are not designed for multitasking, our attempts to do so, will only result in depleted performance in all the tasks we take up at a time.
Ok, enough digression, the point is that when I write the blog, while simultaneously computing PFRB, the end product seems to diminish in value (for reasons stated above), computing PFRB while writing itself reduces PFRB. Realisation of this only makes matters worse. In an attempt to lift the PFRB, i often try to alter the content with high sounding technical words or flambouyant phrases, for people often appreciate creative albeit twaddle.
The resultant is equivalent to the end product of a plutonium fission reactor powered supercomputer simulation of all the parts starting from the esophageal sphincter to the gastrointestinal tract and extending upto the arse hole, SHIT!!, although, occasionally an audible fart, that brings a laugh. (what is it with fart that makes us laugh??)

Now you know why I dont blog frequently.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Hercules - The Happy and Gay Warrior

My knowledge in Greek mythology is close to zero, to be honest it is 0- (for those wondering what 0- is, do a wikipedia search on limits, and if you grasp it please explain it to me). I was curious to look into it when I used to play AOM, but lost the interest soon after i finished the levels.
Today, by chance i took a peek into Greek mythology. I was looking for Kerberos in wikipedia, when the disambiguation page showed up with 4-5 options. One of them was about a certain 'Kerberos' or 'Cerberus', a three headed mythical dog that guarded the gates to Hades. I checked this page instead of the security protocol that i was originally interested in. Apparently, this dog's job was to see to it that spirits only enter Hades and don't leave. A few times though, it was defeated, once by a certain Orpheus, who used his musical skills to lull Cerberus to sleep. And instantly I was reminded of Fluffy, the three headed dog in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that guards the stone and is put to sleep by music. It is a good thing that mythology is not copyright protected or Rowling would have been sued her ass off. (Maybe we should take the cue and copyright our ancient scriptures too, you never know when people will use the same concepts).
Interestingly, on another occasion, the beast was wrestled into submission by Heracles aka Hercules. And continuing the process of clicking random links, i checked out Hercules.
Now, if there is one thing i knew about Hercules, it was his masculinity, in common terms, he was 'the sex machine'. I also found supportive information in this regard, he made out with all the 50 daughters of a certain 'King Thespius' in a single night. But that was just one part of the story and i had a few surprises.

Apparently, Hercules was happy and gay, happy with women and gay with men. I was surprised to know that one of the most celebrated heroes of all time was in fact bisexual. To the Gay Rights activists, i think it must be welcome news to find a celebrity in their community.

P.S: I have nothing against/for gays and bisexuals. I just found the news that Hercules was bisexual interesting.