School days

Reminiscing one's past can be such a great pastime as I discovered a few days back, lying on my bed after a good meal, recalling my good old school days. Most of the memories that i managed to recollect were unimportant and inconsequential, like the one time I pulled off an absolutely splendid catch standing at point (which was followed by wild celebrations), only to find that it was a no-ball, and the time my report card read that I received first rank to my disbelief only to realise that my class teacher had made an gross mistake at calculating the sum and so on. A couple of funny incidents popped which I felt worth sharing.
One incident that I remembered happened at the time my class ten board results were announced. Back then, I was good at all subjects except English. I used to narrowly scrap a pass and anything close to 60 was a reason to celebrate. Somehow I never developed a liking to the language which was worsened by the attitude of my english teacher. According to her, I was an "INCORRIGIBLE CHAP" who could not string together two words even to greet someone(I never used to greet her 'Hari Om'/'Good Morning', she misunderstood it to be the result of my supposedly thickskinned nature, but I can assure you that I was deliberately rebellious). She was true, I was beyond repair as far as her subject was concerned, even I had given up. Coming back to the incident, when the results were put up, to everyone's surprise/shock (including mine) I had topped English. (This was something unexpected, perhaps evidence to the existence of 'the supernatural', although it was something I didnt want, I would have happily exchanged the same marks with the ones i scored in math or science.) But it had its worth, I did not see my teacher until the Annual Day when I received a book in recognition of my performance, and when my teacher approached to congratulate me, once again I did not put together more than two words. Had she been over 50, I bet she would have had a heart attack. I imagine her having epileptic seizures that night and losing the ability to have orgasms henceforth. (Dont judge me by these words, I had suffered under her regime for four years, besides the hate was mutual).
Another incident that makes me laugh until my stomach aches happened when I was in eighth. That was the time guys started learning some of the unmentionable words(the 'f' word for example). We used to develop aliases for these, for public use would mean swift and severe retribution. (I was caught once for using them but was let off lightly, I had to chant 'Hanuman Chalisa' eleven times for 21 days, for the first time in my life i was happy to be in a religion oriented school) Interestingly, the girls too had some code worded abuses. Any disagreement involving a girl and a boy used to be followed by exchange of these 'abuses'. Neither group knew what the opposite party's code words meant. One boy in our class was so curious to know what the girls' code meant, that he went and offered an gentlemanly proposition to a couple of girls, 'i will tell you what my code means and you tell me what yours mean'. The girls agreed to this offer but asked the boy to volunteer first. I can tell you it was a big mistake, the initial excitement at knowing the boys' code was quickly shadowed by the realisation that they were being subjected to some of the most offensive slurs. I will not mention the guys' abuses to avoid censorship, but the JIM's and GEM's, the most lethal weapons in the girls' abuse armoury turned out to be 'Jayalalitha In Miniature' and 'Ginger Eating Monkey'. (Between I wasnt the one who leaked the code, I have already explained my 'condition' whenever i get within five feet of any woman in one of the previous blogs, although i will admit that I was curious to know what their code meant.)

It remains a mystery as to why of all the incidents I remembered these. But I bet each one of you can think of such silly anecdotes when you are lying after a good meal.

Kay-K

P.S
And by the way the blog url has changed to fantasticbore.blogspot.com, which obviously is yet another useless piece of information that I am puking all over you, for you wouldnt be reading this if you didnt know the change.

What I redeemed from the Shawshank redemption ?

Case 1 :

Well, You occasionally get to watch a movie which hits you so hard in your mind, that makes your blood to rush at the speed of light.U feel u would have the handled the situation much better than that dumbo (the hero).U wish to do something unbelievable,something so adventurous that the whole world will stand up and celebrate you.... But then...wait a moment.... You have a nice deep slumber, wake up fresh next day and u dont even realise that u had such amazing thoughts running in your mind just less than 12 hours back. You are that same old jack-ass, no different from the one that you were yesterday.

Case 2 :

You have never heard of that movie, it lies in your PC for months unwatched, it just got copied to your hard-disk along with other junk movies.... and one day u feel so bored, so alone, and very very jobless that u put this stuff...the movie goes on...but you dont imagine yourself as the hero and you dont run your own movie in your mind.. u just watch it... the movie ends.... it was a happy ending, but still u heart feels so heavy... u cant realise that movie has ended and the movie's starcast is scrolling up, but u keep staring at the screen as if the movie has just begun.

But then again...wait a moment.... You have a nice deep slumber, wake up fresh next day and u still feel heavy... even though u didnt have any amazing thoughts or adventurous dreams running in your mind last night.

Days pass by, months pass by, but every now and then, u start relating things happening in your everyday-life with some scene or dialogue of that movie. u have never seen that "everyday happening thing " in this point of view ever before...

And that was how your outlook changed without u realising it...
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FYI,This is not a CASE study of movie watching... its my crude classification of all the movies i've seen till date. all the other movies in my movie portfolio which does fall under class 1 or class 2 come under a single section named- " CRAP OR BULLSHIT OR BOTH ".

I can put a hell lot examples for case 1 , but a notable one and a one which I can recollect right now is a hindi movie of the recent past.

Its called "Lakshya".

The hero turns from this rich and ruined asshole to a war hero saving the nation's pride in less than three hours...but the movie is awesome.... still one of my favourite flicks... For my childhood dream of becoming a pilot in the Indian Air Force, the movie was more than perfect to make my nerves taut. I had watched it over and over six or seven times, but alas i couldnt help it falling into class 1.

There are very few examples that i can put forward for case 2.

The best one would be "The Shawshank redemption", the one that the world thinks is the second best ever ( source : http://www.imdb.com/ ).

I dont want to ( in fact, I can't) give out a review here, no words are worth explaining it, you got to watch it to realise it. but there are things told in this movie which sticks to your heart so closely, that it gets binded with your character and changes the way the look at things.

View count?
I really dont have a count of how many times I've watched it

Story?
Smart banker Andy gets a life imprisonment in Shawshank jail for supposedly murdering his adulterous wife. makes a good friend "Red" in the jail, perhaps the only guy he trusts and vice versa, does all the tax paper work for jail officers, stays there for almost 20 years before breaking the jail and escaping the invincible prison.

As simple as that...

But when movie ends, u will understand the near perfect meaning of "what is hope?" if weren't already aware of, and what it means to any individual...

Some sample excerpts...

In the end, Andy says to Red "... hope is a good thing, its indeed the best of all things..."

and why? Andy digs through the prison wall for twenty years with a small rockhammer kept hidden in his bible. He just hoped he would reach the other side of the wall some day, he hoped he would be a free man someday, He didnt lose hope even though that "someday" came twenty years later...

"You get institutionalized with these (prison) walls...

First, u hate them..

Then, u get used to them..

In the end, u start depending on them so much that u can't leave them.."

what is it to get institutionalized?

Brookes, the librarian of the shawshank jail gets released from prison after fifty years imprisonment on goodwill. He was such a respected and educated guy in that prison. Man comes out and realises that he just doesnt fit anywhere in the society. Commits Suicide!

Every single scene and dialogue in the movie that makes so much sense, maybe not right away but when we face new things in life.

Whenever I feel I have redeemed enough from the movie, I watch it one more time jus to realise that its just the beginning of my redemption...

If u think all this is such a bullshit and so should the movie also be, do watch the movie once and come back to read this again...

Strange Decisions

Steve McLaren seems to have brought the English team to good shape by recalling Beckham. Beckham proved his critics wrong and he has raised the question whether he should have been dropped in the first place after the world cup disaster. It's true that football is a team game and victory/loss is a result of collective team effort. But the English football association and the media are very fond of making some of their players scapegoats for the lack of results. The blame for the loss is often taken by an individual and not the team as a whole. However the return of Beckham has it's good and bad. The good : There's no doubt now as to where Gerrard should play - Central Midfield. The combination of Gerrard and Lamps proved great vs Brazil and Estonia. But the problem however is that Beckham doesn't make runs which means the right back should be a good wing back. Gary Neville is decent but England seems to miss someone like Dani Alves or Philip Lahm. Jamie Carragher used to be right back and he replaced the injured Neville vs Brazil but it was clear that he doesn't fit that role anymore having played as a center back for quite a while now. But Rio's injury means Jamie can play as center back. Steve McLaren made the right decision of playing wes brown instead of carra vs estonia but why did he play king and not carra as center back. Is it because he's well built? According to me it's a strange decision since carra has played and shined against the best attackers in europe. The recent show against Ac Milan in the final of the champions league is a good testimonial by itself. I hope McLaren plays Carra against the good teams if Rio doesn't play in the future. England now look good to take on the big sides of europe next year. But elsewhere Germany, Norway and Sweden had thumping wins against San Marino, Hungary and Iceland. Looking forward to Austria-Switzerland!


--Guru

I still can't believe it

The champions league final this time was disappointing for more than the one obvious reason which is Liverpool’s defeat. I wanted to watch it on television since the online streams are often unreliable. For example I had to miss the England vs. Portugal penalties and I had to check scores online which was more frustrating than the England defeat. I was praying to god during the penalty shoot-out in the semi final with Chelsea that I shouldn't lose the stream more than how I prayed for a Liverpool win. However watching it on TV here in America comes with a different price. You must watch TV here to know how much it sucks. The Ads lack creativity to the core. And if you love soccer/hate American sports then this is not the place to watch a special event such as the Champions league final. Watching the trash talk show ahead of the game was a bigger disappointment. I heard comments like "the best player in soccer keeps changing every 15 minutes" and then this was followed by "kaka is perhaps the best player in the game, may be even better than ronaldo (Milan)". I don’t know how many knew that ronaldo was actually cup-tied, otherwise he would have played. Further Kaka and Ronaldo are different kinds of players. I definitely missed the likes of Andy Gray and Martin Tyler during the game and John Dykes and company ahead of the game. Another issue was the crowd volume; it was close to nil. I know how the atmosphere would have been in Athens but all you can hear on American TV is the continuous rambling of inept commentators. But these Americans are clever; they had someone who could fake the British accent well thinking that they can make up for the lack of content. Having said all this, they had a pitch-side commentator who I should admit was good at understanding the flow of the game and the tactical moves of the two managers. So in effect they the non-pitch-side commentators sounded crappier.

The game was very similar to the Liverpool - Manchester United game at Anfield this year which ended in a 1-0 defeat to Liverpool. Liverpool controlled the game throughout the 90 minutes only for a late winner by John O'Shea. Everyone talked about how adept Manu are at winning in the final moments but Liverpool’s heroics of playing the league leaders Manchester united as if they were playing southend united were long forgotten. It was a similar situation in Athens; Liverpool controlled the game from the start. Milan had no answer to Rafa's tactical prowess. Kaka and Seedorf were nowhere to be seen. Milan was so naive to believe that kaka and seedorf would have a man each on them giving the others space to create chances. The truth: Ancelotti feared Liverpool. He needed Luck and he had it. Liverpool countered Milan's 4-5-1 with a similar 4-5-1 with Kuyt as the one-top and gerrard helping him out right behind him. Zenden, Alonso, Mascherano and pennant were in midfield. Finnan, Carra, Agger and Riise in defense. The team was almost perfect (given the roster of course). The weakling - no prizes for guessing - Boudewijn Zenden. In my view this guy doesn’t deserve a red shirt and it's good that he's been told to leave. Alright then - Milan were playing oddo,maldini,nesta and ambrosini at the back. Pirlo, Seedorf, kaka, gattuso and jankulovski in midfield with Filippo Inzaghi up-front. Mascherano and Alonso limited the moves of Kaka and Seedorf brilliantly and Milan were kept quiet. So it was all Liverpool. It was all about creating chances and taking them. The first part happened. But it was one of those days when the finishing wasn't top notch and the goals weren’t coming. Liverpool came close several times the best opportunity being Gerrard's weak shot for a Dida save few yards in front of the goal. Xabi Alonso beat the keeper and the goal by a whisker with a 25 yard drive earlier on in the game. AC Milan needed a lucky break from the continuous pressure by Liverpool and it happened seconds before half time. Due to a un-carra like miscommunication between him and Alonso, kaka was able to get to the edge of the box and Alonso fouled him. The free kick was easily Pirlo material. But the shot wasn’t great and Reina looked to have had it under control only that it became a deflection off Pippo and the ball went into the goal. The goal is considered to be controversial since it is alleged that it was off the arm. But no official saw it and hence this crucial goal was allowed to stand.

Now it was a different ball game. Actually not.. It was a cagey affair from the beginning. A battle of the minds. It was all about who got the first goal and then it was just throwing back to defend and counter-attacking. Milan are far too experienced to make a mistake in that. Nesta was brilliant. But then the much awaited move of Kewell for Zenden happened after 59 minutes in the game. Kewell looked fresh and looked to change things around with his tricks on the left flank. Though it wasn't exactly "Harry's magic", at least he took on the defenders with more courage than Zenden. An offensive move had to happen but it happened quite late in the game. Crouch, probably the most successful striker for Liverpool this season came in at 78 minutes for Mascherano. Kaka's genius then became obvious. He played a magic pass to Pippo who finished his brace in style. But what this also showed was how Mascherano had kept a good watch on Kaka until then. But Crouch made an immediate impact. He forced a good save with a 30 yard drive. The goal for Liverpool came 5 minutes before time with a Kuyt header. A dramatic comeback was once again on the cards. But this time, time wasn’t on Liverpool’s side. Milan clinched to their one goal lead over 8 minutes. Pippo faked a blow from a Kewell cross and everyone knew he was wasting time. Kewell couldn't help laughing, I was laughing with disgust. I got reminded of the World Cup final incident. And the referee somehow felt he should blow the whistle 20 seconds earlier despite the histrionics from Pippo and some subs from Ancelotti (an obvious time wasting strategy).

But there was good and bad to take from the game for Liverpool. Overall the teams were matched equally. There was no "daylight" between the teams as claimed by many. Liverpool played well with great movements. Jermaine pennant was awesome vs. Jankulovski (the weakling in Milan). Zenden was crap. And we are still not able to fathom why Rafa didn’t bring crouch earlier on and why he played Arbeloa when he could have played bellamy. Carra was phenomenal as usual. It was no humiliating defeat. A game that could have gone either way. Finally Rafa praised Milan (don’t know what for!) and admitted they were a great side(no arguments!). The carry-home message is Liverpool are definitely a force to reckon with in the future and are developing into a serious threat under Rafa.

--Guru

How I saved the world

Warning: Nonsense post ahead
Finally I have managed to make a list of what i really want to be. It is just a little too long to fit in here but I will just give a gist of it. When i look into the list, I wonder why I would want to be the returning war hero turned actor/director turned businessman turned politician with a penchant for adventure sports, space travel, expensive cars and also possessing a secret Dexter's laboratory in my backyard. Ok, most of you would think that I am mad, but how many of you would opt for such a life given a choice?
A different perspective into this bizarre wish list tells me that I only want to be any of these only for the resultant fame (sigh!). Now that i have established what i really want, it is time to look into the possible outcome that may result in my pursuit to glory. There are two ways to reach fame - do something exceptionally smart or exceedingly stupid. Whatever I do of these two, the outcome would be something that is good to mankind or otherwise. So every time I try to attain fame there is 50-50 chance of success and failure(success denotes resulting goodness and failure otherwise). Observations and experience has shown me that doing good for mankind takes a lot of time to get noticed, so predictably the urge to do something bad overpowers the intention to do something good. I would hence change the probability accordingly, out of every 4 attempts that i take, only 1 would make it useful to people. Now, this is indeed bad news to all you folks out there. Dont panic, I havent added a significant factor yet. I also happen to be one of the laziest persons in this planet, so the chances that i would actually get up and do something with the intention of becoming famous are very low. (However, please do not discount the chances of me doing something good or bad without putting any effort and attaining fame in the process. I haven't ruled out the possibility of someone finding out the fact that the heat generated due to the constant rubbing of my buttocks with the chair contributes more to global warming than the Airbus A380. I am waiting for reporters to throng my living room :)
Thus I conclude by saying that my sheer laziness has saved the world from total annihilation. Isnt it reason enough to be famous? Where are the news reporters?

God must be a PC assembler

If there is one thing that scares the shit out of me(literally), it is the prospect of talking to a woman. My legs start doing the Mr.Bean jig, my tongue starts sticking to the ceiling of my mouth and my jaws get stuck into a strained tooth revealing smile that plainly conveys the message that i am not interested in talking or that I have a bad tooth ache. Anyway, I was forced into a conversation with a colleague that could have been easily avoided had i not been so gullible in assuming that I could just pull it off. Well, it went the way that it usually happens. For someone whose entire conversation in the office(other than anything work related) is limited to hellos, good mornings and byes, bringing up an interesting conversation with a woman over a cup of evening coffee is an onerous, stressful task.
Well, if there is anything in this world that comes close to god, i think it is google. My idea of god would be someone who answers all my questions. Google certainly does that, sometimes on the first try, sometimes it tests my patience by hiding the answer in the 121st page and also occasionally correcting me to ask the right questions. Anyway, I looked up 'How to talk to women' in google and Ta-da.. there were instant answers, although i dint look up any of the links to spare myself the embarassment of my colleagues finding me reading such an article. On hindsight, it would have been a good option to have looked into them.
All this makes me think of god being a wily PC assembler, he apparently fixed me up with a 3Ghz quad core processor, 300 GB HDD and a 3GB RAM, but when it came to installing the OS, i guess he chose windows 3.11 or windows 98(although i am happy, it is not Vista, i would be asking permission even to pee...), that crashes even when i attempt a simple communication. Not to forget the obselete NIC card of the 80's that he installed, which is incapable of the establishing a connection for lack of compatibility with latest protocols. My poor soul has indeed had a raw deal with god :(

Why am i not blogging frequently?

Lately, I have been wondering why i am not writing as much as i would like to, for there are so many things i can think about, and opinions I have wanted to write about. The two reasons that I could think of are
a) Who cares about what you think?
Ok. I admit it, I am no Malcolm Gladwell or Scott Adams, that people jam the network to read what i think and attain salvation in the process, and
b) In my experience, people look into a blog for two reasons, to get some useful insight or information on a specific topic or to derive some sort of pleasure from reading the blog. My blog would definitely not fall into the first category, but I try to make it as good as possible so that it qualifies into the second. So when I set out to write something, I simultaneouly evaluate the PFRB index(pleasure from reading blog), that an average reader would derive by reading the blog.
On the face of it, humans seem highly capable of multitasking, most often than not we do two or more things at a time and pride ourselves at doing it..(that makes it three or more). It looks like we have been designed to do so, but nothing in the rest of nature seems to suggest this. Have you ever seen any animal eat its dinner while watching TV or read magazines while shitting? Since we are not designed for multitasking, our attempts to do so, will only result in depleted performance in all the tasks we take up at a time.
Ok, enough digression, the point is that when I write the blog, while simultaneously computing PFRB, the end product seems to diminish in value (for reasons stated above), computing PFRB while writing itself reduces PFRB. Realisation of this only makes matters worse. In an attempt to lift the PFRB, i often try to alter the content with high sounding technical words or flambouyant phrases, for people often appreciate creative albeit twaddle.
The resultant is equivalent to the end product of a plutonium fission reactor powered supercomputer simulation of all the parts starting from the esophageal sphincter to the gastrointestinal tract and extending upto the arse hole, SHIT!!, although, occasionally an audible fart, that brings a laugh. (what is it with fart that makes us laugh??)

Now you know why I dont blog frequently.